| Author | Message | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1416 Registered: 08-2005 |
REVISED TO PROSE FORMAT ALABAMA CAVE One day when I was around eleven years old I asked mama where the worst place was she ever lived. She said there were too many. But one of the best places she ever did stay was in a cave. "Like a caveman mama?" She laughed. "Well, sort of. It was burrowed out big enough for a bed and a little kitchen table and chairs. We were lucky with the weather; it was spring time and warm. Inside the cave was cool and smooth. There was an edge sticking out like a mantle on a fireplace. That’s where we put our coal oil lamp so we could see at night." "Did you have a camp fire?" "Yes we did. We cooked on it; bacon and eggs, flapjacks, beans and potatoes, coffee. And at night we kept it going to keep the bobcats away." "Was Grandpa and Grandma with you mama?" "No baby, they were in their own house. They didn’t know. Your father and I lived there til cold weather came. Then we found a little place." "Oh." "He was with you." "Was he mean then?" Mama closed her eyes. "No, not then. We were young, and it was an adventure. Just me and him." I closed my eyes and asked: "Did he wait for us kids to be born and then he got mean?" Mama answered with quiet tears spilling down her cheeks. "Maybe. I don’t know." *********ORIGINAL********* ALABAMA CAVE One day I asked mama where the worst place was she ever lived. She said there were too many. But one of the best places she ever did stay was in a cave. Like a caveman mama? She laughed. Well, sort of. It was burrowed out big enough for a bed and a little kitchen table and chairs. It was spring; we were lucky with the weather. Inside the cave was cool and smooth. There was an edge sticking out like a mantle on a fireplace. That’s where we put our coal oil lamp so we could see at night. Did you have a camp fire? Yes we did. We cooked on it; bacon and eggs, flapjacks, beans and potatoes, coffee. And at night we kept it going to keep the bobcats away. Was Grandpa and Grandma with you mama? No child, they were in their own house. They didn’t know. Your father and I lived there til cold weather came. Oh. He was with you. Was he mean then? Mama closed her eyes. No, not then. We were young, and it was an adventure. Just me and him. I closed my eyes and asked: did he wait for us kids to be born and then he got mean? Mama answered with quiet tears spilling down her cheeks. Maybe. I don’t know. (Message edited by morganlafay on February 10, 2006) | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 348 Registered: 12-2004 |
gosh, this is just terrific. jim | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1418 Registered: 08-2005 |
Thank you Jim. Been recalling a lot of memories lately. I feel almost an urgency to put them down. | ||
| native dancer
Advanced Member Username: nativedancer Post Number: 349 Registered: 12-2004 |
i know that feeling. and too, if we don't set things down, there will come a time when no one else will be there to recall them. | ||
| Lazarus
Advanced Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 1081 Registered: 10-2005 |
This conversation, memory, truth is just perfectly put together Morgan. You put the 'real' in reality. And the earth, bristling and raw, tiny and lost resumes its search; rushing through the vast astonishment- Ted Hughes, from His Legs Ran About. | ||
| "A-Bear"
Moderator Username: dane Post Number: 1549 Registered: 11-1998 |
Wonderful imagery and story, Morgan. The emotion expressed by your pen was indeed from the heart. I had to smile a little too as this reminded me of a wish I once had to live off the land and not be beholding to the man. Hey, it was the sixties. Thank God I survived those years (from what few of them I can still remember). *smile* D | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1421 Registered: 08-2005 |
Thank you so much Lazarus. I guess I am a storyteller and I have lots to tell. I appreciate your wonderful words. They encourage me tremendously. | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1422 Registered: 08-2005 |
Hello Dane...glad you poked your head out of the cave...***smile*** Thank you for your kind post. Take care you! | ||
| elijah burke
Member Username: spiltextmob Post Number: 77 Registered: 08-2005 |
A touching, and disturbing piece. I used to spend every Thursday night sleeping in the Lost Sea Cave in Tennessee. I have fond memories. But like all memories, they are subject to nostalgia, sometimes sentimental and sometimes regretful. Thanks for sharing. "The meek will inherit the earth. The meek don't want it." -The Rules of Attraction Bret Easton Ellis | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1425 Registered: 08-2005 |
Elijah, thank you for your comments. I'm glad it touched you and sorry it disturbed you. My mom did have fond memories of her cave. It's just there was so much in between I guess. She had the good and the bad. Much of it I don't even know. I'm sure she carried it to her grave...too early at 48. | ||
| Dale McLain
Advanced Member Username: sparklingseas Post Number: 1793 Registered: 11-2004 |
Morgan~ The ending of this wrapped itself around my heart... squeezed a little. My, my... I hope you don't run out of stories for us. This is a favorite of yours I've read. take care~dale | ||
| michael julius sottak
Advanced Member Username: julius Post Number: 2108 Registered: 12-2003 |
hell, Morgan... you've got tears running down my face, darlin | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 3960 Registered: 07-2002 |
Morgan, This is beautifully written. I would like to see it formatted simply as prose. It won't lose any of its power and forcing it to poetic line breaks doesn't serve the narrative. These pieces are so authentic. Thank you for sharing them with us. best, ljc Once in a Blue Muse Blog | ||
| Andrew Dufresne
New member Username: beachdreamer Post Number: 46 Registered: 01-2006 |
Oh isn't this just a real thing here? Oh this is good. It's like putting your feet up at the end of the day and sipping that first slow sip of good whiskey. ad | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1428 Registered: 08-2005 |
Lisa, thank you so much for your wonderful comment. I'm sure you are right about the prose. I'm working on that with a friend's help and will put up the revision style once it is done. Thank you! | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1429 Registered: 08-2005 |
Andrew, thank you, thank you. What a unique way of expressing your 'like'. Made me grin. | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1430 Registered: 08-2005 |
Dale, thank you much. I believe it is one of my favorites too. I'm searching for my truths. My backgrounds. The memories come in snatches, but this one I remember well. I was around 11 when this conversation happened. Just a kid. Even so I knew I shouldn't have asked that last question; mama's light-heartedness changed to a sad mask. Then no more talk. | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1431 Registered: 08-2005 |
Julius, the ultimate compliment; tears of compassion. Thank you. | ||
| Teresa White
Intermediate Member Username: teresa_white Post Number: 567 Registered: 01-2005 |
Morgan, The sadness in your poem is palpable--especially with lines like these: "did he wait for us kids to be born and then he got mean?" Your poem is so honest and without artifice. I truly enjoyed! My best, Teresa | ||
| Christopher T George
Senior Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 4071 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Morgan Well told story, unusual with an undertow of violence and suppressed feelings. Terrific. The editor in me picked up that you mean "No child, they were in their own / house." Good luck in finalizing this strong and meaningful poem, Morgan. Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ Co-Editor, Loch Raven Review http://www.lochravenreview.net/ http://christophertgeorge.blogspot.com/ | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1433 Registered: 08-2005 |
Teresa, thank you for your warm comments. They are much appreciated. | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1434 Registered: 08-2005 |
Thanks Chris for 'the editing'. Dang I hate dumb mistakes like that.  And thank you for your comments. | ||
| ~M~
Board Administrator Username: mjm Post Number: 6589 Registered: 11-1998 |
I was happy to see this formatted as prose, Morgan, as that is where you really shine. You told the story well, with some sentimentality which did not get out of control or go over the top. It felt very real and that is very, very good. | ||
| Morgan Lafay
Advanced Member Username: morganlafay Post Number: 1448 Registered: 08-2005 |
Thank you ~M~. Lisa suggested it early on, so I tried it. I just posted another, "Fisherman's Lies". Is it prose? I'm just not sure. Thank you for your encouragement. It means the world to me. | ||
| Lazarus
Advanced Member Username: lazarus Post Number: 1129 Registered: 10-2005 |
Morgan- I liked the original format very much - my own voice tends toward prose too, so that might be why. However, the new format really sings this, and pulling out the questions adds space where space belongs, so I think this is a home run! And the earth, bristling and raw, tiny and lost resumes its search; rushing through the vast astonishment- Ted Hughes, from His Legs Ran About. |
